Sextortion after a hookup chat: what to do and who to tell

Sextortion is a form of blackmail in which someone threatens to share intimate images or video of you unless you pay, send more, or do something else they want. On hookup and casual dating sites it is often run by scammers working from a script, not by a jilted match.

It's frightening, and it's designed to be: they want you to panic and pay before you think. So take a breath. You have more control than it feels like, and the steps below work in every country we cover.

How a sextortion attempt usually unfolds

Most attempts follow the same pattern, which is useful to know because it means none of this is personal. The person on the other end has very likely sent the same messages to many others.

The move off the dating site is the step to watch. Our guide to fake profiles explains why pressure to switch apps within a few messages is one of the clearest warning signs, and the chat-bot warning signs cover scripted conversations.

What to do in the first hour

The first hour matters because that's when the pressure is highest. Do these in order.

1. Don't pay. Not a little to buy time, not "just this once". Payment proves you'll pay, and people who pay are usually asked for more.
2. Don't send anything else, and don't negotiate. Stop replying. You don't need to tell them you're stopping.
3. Keep the evidence. Screenshot the messages, their profile, usernames, phone numbers, any payment details they've given you (wallet addresses, account numbers, gift card requests) and the link to their account. Don't delete the chat yet; you can block them once you've saved it.
4. Lock down your social media. Set your accounts to private, hide your friends and followers lists, and check who can find you by email or phone number. This limits who they can reach.
5. Report the account to the app where the threat came from, and to the dating site where you met. On Just Naughty Singles, report it through the members help centre with the username and screenshots.
6. Tell someone you trust. You don't have to handle this alone, and saying it out loud takes away some of its power.

If you've already paid, call your bank or card issuer as well. Give the police the payment details too: they help link cases.

Why paying doesn't make it stop

Paying doesn't buy deletion, because there's no way to check that anything was deleted and every reason for them to keep a copy. New Zealand Police and Netsafe make the same point in their advice: once you've complied, nothing stops them targeting you again.

A second trap follows the first. Some companies advertise "sextortion removal" or "reputation recovery" for a fee. The FBI warns victims not to fall prey to for-profit companies charging for help, and says victims should never have to pay fees to get assistance. The services on this page are free.

Is sextortion a crime?

Yes. Threatening someone to get money or images is blackmail or extortion everywhere we cover, and some places have laws aimed at intimate images specifically.

• England and Wales: section 66B of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 makes it an offence to threaten to share an intimate photograph or film, whether or not the image exists.
• Scotland: section 2 of the Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm (Scotland) Act 2016 covers disclosing, or threatening to disclose, an intimate photograph or film.
• Elsewhere: extortion and blackmail are criminal offences, and the services in the next section can tell you how local law applies to you.

You are the victim here. Sending intimate images to another consenting adult isn't against the law. Being on a hookup site isn't either.

Who to report it to

Report the threat to the police, even if you didn't pay. Where images are involved, a specialist service can also help get them removed.

The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults in the UK and has said sextortion was the most common type of case reported to it in 2023. More detail on fraud reporting in each country is in where to report a dating scam.

What to have ready when you report

• The usernames, profile links and phone numbers they used, on every app
• Screenshots of the threats, with dates and times visible
• Any payment details they gave you, and what you paid, when and how
• The name of the dating site where you first matched
• A short timeline: when you matched, when you moved apps, when the threat came

You don't need all of it to report. Send what you have.

Getting images taken down, or stopped before they spread

You can act before anything is posted. These services are free.

• StopNCII.org (stopncii.org) lets adults create a digital fingerprint (a "hash") of an intimate image on their own device, without uploading the image. Participating platforms use the hash to detect and block it.
• Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) does the same for images taken when someone was under 18. It is run by the US National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
• UK: the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be shared, and helps get them removed.
• Australia: the eSafety Commissioner can act to have intimate images removed.
• New Zealand: Netsafe can help with removal and advice.

If you were under 18 in any image, tell the police straight away; they will point you to the specialist services.

The "they were underage" script

A variation hits people on adult sites. After a chat or a swap of photos, someone claims the person you were talking to was under 18. Then a "parent" or "police officer" demands money to make it go away.

Real police don't phone or message to ask for payment. Don't pay, don't engage, keep everything and report it to the police yourself.

If it's weighing on you

Sextortion is built to make you feel isolated and ashamed, and it can hit hard. If you're struggling, talk to someone today. These lines are free and confidential:

If you're in danger, call your emergency number.

Making it less likely next time

• Keep your face, tattoos and anything recognisable out of explicit photos and video calls.
• Don't go explicit on camera with someone you haven't met or checked. A short, ordinary video call first is a good filter.
• Be wary of anyone who moves you off the dating site within a few messages.
• Keep your social media private and separate from your dating profile, and use a separate email address for dating.

Sextortion isn't your fault, and it isn't a reason to stop dating. Our safety page has the wider picture, and meeting someone safely covers the offline side.