Meeting someone from a hookup site: a safety checklist

Meeting safely means three things: being sure the person is real, making sure someone else knows where you are, and keeping your own way out at every stage. None of it gets in the way of a good night. Most of it takes five minutes the day before.

Before you agree to meet

Confirm they're real, agree roughly what you both want, and keep your personal details back until you've met. Run through this list before you say yes:

• Check they're real. A short, non-explicit video call settles it. Reverse image search a photo if anything feels off. Our fake profile guide lists the other tells.
• Agree what you're both up for, roughly, in messages. It saves awkwardness and makes it easier to notice if someone's expectations don't match yours.
• Talk about sexual health before the day, not in the moment: condoms, when you were last tested. Someone who gets annoyed by the question has told you something.
• Keep your details back. Your surname, address and workplace can wait until you've met and want to share them.
• Never send money, for travel, a hotel or anything else. That's a scam, every time, and so is a request to "verify" yourself by paying on another website; our billing traps guide explains how that one works.
• Don't send intimate images first. If you choose to later, keep your face and anything identifying out of them. Our sextortion guide explains why.

Tell someone: what to send a friend

A friend who knows where you are is the single most useful safety step, and it costs nothing. Send them the details before you leave and agree when you'll check in.

Meeting [username] tonight, profile screenshot attached. First stop [bar name, street] at 8. Might go back to theirs in [area]; I'll send the address if so. I'll text you by 11. If I send "how's the dog?", ring me with an emergency.

(Example message. Change the details and the code phrase to suit you.)

If your phone lets you share your live location with a contact for a set time, use it for the evening.

On the day

Meet in public first, travel under your own steam, and stay clear-headed enough to make your own decisions.

• Meet somewhere public first, such as a bar or café you know, even if you both know where the evening is heading. Ten minutes face to face tells you whether they match their photos and whether you still want to.
• Get yourself there and back. Your own transport or a taxi you booked yourself, money for the fare and a charged phone. Don't rely on them for a lift.
• Stay sober enough to choose. Drink if you want to, but keep enough of a clear head to judge the situation and to give, or refuse, consent. Watch your drink and don't leave it unattended.
• Check in with your friend when you arrive and if the plan changes.

Your place, theirs or a hotel?

Wherever it is, someone should know the address, and you should be able to leave without asking for help.

Consent, in plain terms

Consent is a clear, freely given yes to a specific thing, from someone who is able to give it. That means:

• Agreeing to meet, or to sex in messages, isn't consent on the night. Check in person.
• Yes to one thing isn't yes to everything. Ask before something new, including filming or photos, which need their own clear agreement.
• Anyone can change their mind at any point, including partway through. When they do, it stops.
• Someone who is very drunk, high, asleep, or under pressure can't consent.

If you're unsure, ask. If the answer is anything other than an enthusiastic yes, take it as a no. Our safety page covers consent and privacy on the site itself.

Sexual health

Bring condoms, use them, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. If you're meeting new partners, regular testing is sensible.

• UK: NHS sexual health clinics are free and confidential and you don't need a GP referral; use the NHS clinic finder. PrEP, which helps prevent HIV, is free on the NHS from sexual health clinics.
• US: the CDC's testing locator lists local services.
• Australia, Canada and New Zealand: your GP or local sexual health service can test you.

If a condom splits or wasn't used: in the UK, PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) can stop HIV infection if it's started within 72 hours; ask at a sexual health clinic or A&E. Emergency contraception works best the sooner it's taken. Elsewhere, ask a sexual health service or emergency department straight away.

Leaving

You can leave at any point, before, during or after, without an explanation. If you feel uneasy, trust it. Have an exit line ready ("I'm going to head off, take care"), and if you need it, use the code phrase you agreed with your friend.

If something goes wrong

Get safe first, then get support. You decide whether to report to the police, and support services will help either way.

It's never your fault, whatever you'd agreed to beforehand. You can get medical care, emergency contraception and HIV PEP without making a police report.

• They asked for money or threatened you afterwards: don't pay. Read our sextortion guide and see where to report a dating scam.
• They broke the rules on Just Naughty Singles: report the profile through the members help centre with their username and what happened.